Right then confession time;
I cant get motivated to get out of bed on the weekends. I sleep, I binge watch Netflix, I cuddle with Zoe. It has been almost a year since Daddy Passed and a little less since we lost Mom. If I am to be completely honest, I'd have to admit that I'm not coping so well with their loss. Sometimes I cry, mostly I try not to.
My house is a wreck, granted there have been some maintenance and repair setbacks in the way but it is a mess and may be contributing to my inability to drag myself out of bed on the weekends. It is a bit overwhelming. I have one room which is mostly clean at the moment. I removed everything so i could rip out the wall to wall carpeting. I was planning on priming the ceiling and walls, but wasn't able to drag myself out of bed today. I feel guilty, but it is like I have no will. I'm weak. I'm incredibly overweight, and I'm yeah, kind of really sad. Mom and Daddy would be so pissed if they were here right now.
Yeah, kind of needing a kick in the ass right about now.
I just realized I never blogged about losing Daddy then Mom.
Last year about this time I went out to NM to visit Mom and Daddy. I flew into Santa Fe, Daddy picked me up from the airport. It was wonderful to see him. I had absolutely no idea the week would spiral out of control. I was going to get to spend time with Mom and Daddy, and my brother Brian and his family.
About my second day in, I got a call from Dad, he said he wasn't able to get up and he couldn't feel his leg. I ran over from feeding mom and ordered an ambulance to take him to the hospital. The emergency room doctor wasn't great. He honestly seem not terribly concerned and ordered a lidacane patch and called it sciatica. Long story short, Dad got worse. We ended up back at the ER and a new Dr. said he had a clot blocking flow to his right leg. The sent him to the Heart Hospital in Albuquerque, I followed the ambulance and spoke to the doctors there. They tried to save Dad's leg with an angiogram. It wasn't successful. Dad was 80 years old and he was tired of watching Mom fade a little more each day. His heart was broken watching her lose her memories.
Brian got there shortly after Dad came out of surgery. The surgeon was very kind but Dad refused amputation. I completely understand. He was ready to go. I know this in my head, but my heart still hurts. We respected his decision. The surgeon agreed as Dad may not have survived the amputation and it would have been a painful way to go.
Brian, Joel and I stayed with him, his sisters came down, as did Jamie & Jeff, our cousins. A couple of guys who worked for Dad came down so say Goodbye. Even got a chuckle out of Dad while they were there.
We stayed until Dad was gone, then the Aunts and cousins left. Brian, Joel and I stayed to make arrangements.
40 days later Brian called to let me know that Mom passed quietly in her sleep.
So, that was almost a year ago and I'm still grieving.
Yeah, grief sucks.
