#WhyIDidntReport

This has nothing to do with cancer.  Or maybe it does because violence against women is a social cancer in the world today. 

This is not a happy blog post so be warned.  It is ugly, it is humiliating, it is sad, and it is angry!  I am ANGRY!


I am sickened by what is happening in America today.  Women are called names if they call out their abuser a day, a week, or even 30 years after the fact.  Time and again women are told to shut up and just live with it.  I'm here to tell you that is complete BULLSHIT!  Men and boys, (and some few women,) should not get a pass for having been abusive to anyone - Ever!  

The Pseudo-Christian political right calls Women whores and liars, and shames them for being a victim while giving the men who commit the crime a get a free pass.  Women are vilified in the media.  They are scrutinized by everyone and thought of as seeking their spotlight moment.  Trust me, no woman would want that kind of attention.    

"Rape is a severely under-reported crime with surveys showing dark figures of up to 91.6% of rapes going unreported.  Prevalence of reasons for not reporting rape differ across countries. They may include fear of retaliation, uncertainty about whether a crime was committed or if the offender intended harm, not wanting others to know about the rape, not wanting the offender to get in trouble, fear of prosecution (e.g. due to laws against premarital sex), and doubt in local law enforcement."  Let us not forget humiliation, fear, and public ridicule and shaming here either.

Here are a few quotes from republicans on rape.

Todd Aiken (R-MO) - "If its a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole think down." or "You say you got pregnant from a rape?  That just means you enjoyed it."

Rick Santorum (R-PA) - "Rape victims should just make the best of a bad situation."

Richard Murdock (R-IN) - "Even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape it is something that God intended to happen."

Lawrence Lockman (R-ME) - "If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death."

Paul Ryan (R-WI) - Rape as an "alternative form of conception."

Let us not forget this oldy but goody;  Clayton Williams (R-TX) - "Rape is kinda like the weather.  If its inevitable, relax and enjoy it."


Are you Fucking Kidding me?!?


As if rape or even attempted rape is the woman's fault, as if it is a woman's problem.  Violence against women is not a Woman's issue.  It is a men's issue because it is men who commit the crime.  We have to stop giving men a pass for bad behavior.  We have to stop blaming women for being attacked.  It is men holding power over someone they perceive as weak.  It is men using women to make themselves feel strong.  

Brock Turner rapes a young unconscious woman on the ground outside of a party, is caught, tried, and convicted but gets only 6 months in jail and only 3 years probation.  Yes, he has to register as a sex offender.  Big fucking deal.  The poor woman he raped will have nightmares and trust issues for the rest of her life!

Lets look at a few other facts:

1. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that nearly 1.3 million American women were victims of rape or attempted rape every year.

2. Half of all attempted rapes will result in an actual rape being completed.

3. RAINN statistics show that 64,000 women per year are raped, citing data from the Justice Department.

4. Up to 6 in 10 rape attempts will not be reported to law enforcement officials, which may account for the large disparity in numbers.

5. A 1996 study found a national rape-related pregnancy rate of 5% per rape among victims between the ages of 12 and 45.  When study samples are expanded to the entire population, it is estimated that between 3,200 to 50,000 rape related pregnancies occur every year.  The figures about women becoming pregnant from rape are all about 20 years old, but there isn’t any new data that has been published since.

6. 1 out of 6 women will have been the victim of a rape or rape attempt at some point in her lifetime.  17.7 million. That’s the number of women who are survivors of rape right now.

7. 90% of rape victims are women.  Yes folks, it can happen to men too.  Mostly though it is women who are raped.  

When I was in middle school and high school, I was picked on by one boy in class.  It went on for years and got progressively worse.  This was a daily occurrence.  It was one humiliation after another.  

When I told my parents or a teacher, it was always, "oh, he likes you," take it as a compliment.  I was told 'Boys will be boys.'  All I could think of was, how could being called really bad names mean 'he likes me?'  Why should he get a pass for being an ass?  If I was that mean to someone, I'd be in big trouble.  It was awful, so I quit telling anyone.  I only have ugly memories of that period of my life.  How can he get a pass for telling me that the world would be better if I just died.

What started out as teasing progressed to being called horrible names, to being pinched, punched, and stabbed with pins or needles.  Finally I got hit in the face at a football game as he and his friends laughed at me while shouting what a loser I was, and how ugly I was.  How I would never be worth anything, and that I should never have been born.

This went on for nearly 6 years.  A cousin finally saw me crying after being hit in the face and faced off with this person.  I was terrified that I would go to school the next day and would be beaten worse than before.  I was humiliated.  I was terrified.  Worse, no adult believed me.  No one listened to me.  I felt like somehow it was my fault.

Years later, in college I was raped.  No, I didn't report it.  Experience taught me by this point that this humiliation would only get worse if I told anyone.  I saw how other girls had reported their attacker and been further humiliated by his friends, the police, and the public.  Women were vilified for being attacked whether by a friend or a stranger.  We are told that we asked for it by drinking, by wearing sexy clothing, or by being out alone at night.  (I was wearing jeans, a sweater, scarf, and coat when I was attacked by a stranger.  I was with friends but walked out to my car to leave.) 

I had a roommate in college who had survived being gang raped by 5 men.  They had knives and as each man mounted her, they told her she was going to die.  She was stabbed, she was sliced, she was beaten.  She was extremely lucky to have survived.  She was a virgin up until the attack.  She later found out she was pregnant due to that attack.  She is emotionally scarred to this day.  That is something that will never really be behind her.  The men were never caught.  How many others did they rape or kill?  

Another time I wasn't feeling well so I walked down to the convenience store for some stomach medicine.  I was wearing jeans and an oversized sweatshirt.  Several men drove by calling me a whore and telling me what they would do with me.  I approached a police officer to tell him what happened as they drove by and did it again.  He said it wasn't his problem and that I should just live with it - obviously I did something to deserve it.  These guys drove by three more times and then followed me as I walked back home.  It was frightening, it was humiliating, I didn't feel safe.  If you can't report feeling afraid to a police officer, who also witnesses the intimidation and harassment, what else is there to do?  I went home and locked my door.

Several years later, I answered my door to a young woman crying.  She had stumbled away from a frat party where she had awoken in a room with her underwear missing and no idea what happened.  She ran and ended up at my apartment.  I brought her in and calmed her down.  She just wanted to go back to get her purse but was afraid.  I took her, and stayed with her to get her purse.  I asked her if she wanted to go to the police.  She looked terrified of that thought and just asked me to take her home.  I reported the fraternity to the Greek council and was told that since I wasn't a member of a Greek house my word held no sway.  Boys will be boys after all.  It was all in fun.  I assured them that the young lady I helped home was not having fun.

Why am I posting this now?  Because I am older, wiser, and I'm fucking angry!  I have spent my entire life in fear because of men who abused me, hurt me, and harassed me.  I am angry that people blamed me for it.  I am angry that I was not taken seriously.  I am angry that I am still afraid of men.  I am angry that I still am afraid to trust people.  I am angry that I still have nightmares about a boy telling me the world would be a better place if I were dead.

Yup, Grief sucks.

Right then confession time;

I cant get motivated to get out of bed on the weekends.  I sleep, I binge watch Netflix, I cuddle with Zoe.  It has been almost a year since Daddy Passed and a little less since we lost Mom.  If I am to be completely honest, I'd have to admit that I'm not coping so well with their loss.  Sometimes I cry, mostly I try not to.

My house is a wreck, granted there have been some maintenance and repair setbacks in the way but it is a mess and may be contributing to my inability to drag myself out of bed on the weekends.  It is a bit overwhelming.  I have one room which is mostly clean at the moment.  I removed everything so i could rip out the wall to wall carpeting.  I was planning on priming the ceiling and walls, but wasn't able to drag myself out of bed today.  I feel guilty, but it is like I have no will.  I'm weak.  I'm incredibly overweight, and I'm yeah, kind of really sad.  Mom and Daddy would be so pissed if they were here right now.

Yeah, kind of needing a kick in the ass right about now.

I just realized I never blogged about losing Daddy then Mom. 

Last year about this time I went out to NM to visit Mom and Daddy.  I flew into Santa Fe, Daddy picked me up from the airport.  It was wonderful to see him.  I had absolutely no idea the week would spiral out of control.  I was going to get to spend time with Mom and Daddy, and my brother Brian and his family. 

About my second day in, I got a call from Dad, he said he wasn't able to get up and he couldn't feel his leg.  I ran over from feeding mom and ordered an ambulance to take him to the hospital.  The emergency room doctor wasn't great.  He honestly seem not terribly concerned and ordered a lidacane patch and called it sciatica.  Long story short, Dad got worse.  We ended up back at the ER and a new Dr. said he had a clot blocking flow to his right leg.  The sent him to the Heart Hospital in Albuquerque, I followed the ambulance and spoke to the doctors there.  They tried to save Dad's leg with an angiogram.  It wasn't successful.  Dad was 80 years old and he was tired of watching Mom fade a little more each day.  His heart was broken watching her lose her memories. 

Brian got there shortly after Dad came out of surgery.  The surgeon was very kind but Dad refused amputation.  I completely understand.  He was ready to go. I know this in my head, but my heart still hurts.  We respected his decision.  The surgeon agreed as Dad may not have survived the amputation and it would have been a painful way to go. 

Brian, Joel and I  stayed with him, his sisters came down, as did Jamie & Jeff, our cousins.  A couple of guys who worked for Dad came down so say Goodbye.  Even got a chuckle out of Dad while they were there.

We stayed until Dad was gone, then the Aunts and cousins left.  Brian, Joel and I stayed to make arrangements. 

40 days later Brian called to let me know that Mom passed quietly in her sleep. 

So, that was almost a year ago and I'm still grieving. 

Yeah, grief sucks.

In a fit of Pique; Second Verse

I called the insurance company back to check the status of my complaint.  No record was found of Thursday's call.  So I put in a request to have a supervisor call me back. 

My scans are still not all approved. The soft tissue of the neck, code 70491, is the hold up this time.  it is generally a crap shoot as to which scan will be the problem child.  Sometimes it is the upper extremity, where the cancer originated, sometimes the neck, (because we all know there are no lymph nodes in the neck.) 

Dr. Pok still needs to find time to do another Peer-to-Peer review.  He just needs to record his discussion and play it back for the reviewers every 6 months.  

My plan does not include the rider for a case manager.  This time when I spoke with the customer service person, they were very understanding and, seemingly, helpful.  We'll see what the next supervisor says.  I need to keep a notebook on all of these conversations so I can remember who said what.  

There will be more to come I am sure so stay tuned.  

In Another fit of Pique!

In dealing with trying to get another series of scans approved for my bi-annual CT's below is a letter to my company's insurance broker.  Company names have been removed to keep my ass out of court, I hope.  If I missed one, let me know and I'll remove it.

Insurance companies treat patients like we are trying to get something for free.  Seriously it isn't as if cancer is fun in any way.  It is scary as hell.  It sucks.  Even after you've made it to the other side, you get nervous with every scan wondering if it will show up again.  

Dear sir,

I hope your week is going well.  I hope you are healthy and happy and enjoying the sunshine.

Just remember, you asked.  Also please know that I am venting here.  This has absolutely nothing to do with you personally.  This is the kind of thing My medical team and I have had to deal with every 6 months for the last 4+ years.  It is a pain in everyone’s ass. 

I have been part of a clinical trial since January 2013.  It will be ongoing for some time yet.  I get bi-annual CT scans for this trial, it is also nice to have bi-annual proof that the cancer has not returned.  Nearly every time I go in for my appointment, one scan has not been approved.  This means I need to reschedule to get the other scan on another day, taking time out of work to go in.  Sometimes I’ll get the scans that have been approved and my Dr. will have to call in for a Peer-to-Peer to get it approved while I am drinking the barium solution as I wait.  Sometimes I end up having to reschedule the scans or come back for the scans which were not previously approved.

eviCompanyX is the management company that does the approvals for Insurance Company A.  They do the approvals for most of the scans for nearly all of the insurance companies.  They have been the hold up for 95% of the scans I have had over the last 4.5 years. 

Here are the steps my medical team has to go through to get approval.

Scans are scheduled 6 months in advance.

1.       Dr. office requests approval by faxing in the information for each appointment 2 weeks in advance.

2.       Get denied because the request is sent in too soon.

3.       Request approval by faxing in the information again 1.5 weeks prior to my appointment.

4.       Information sits on the fax machine for a week.

5.       Dr. office calls to ask about the scans approval.  

6.       eviCompanyX says they have no request.

7.       Dr. office sends the fax again and starts making calls.

8.       Monday: I get a call from Radiology saying my scans have not been approved. 

9.       I get on the phone with the insurance company and start asking questions.  They are not able to give any answers.  I ask for a nurse case manager.  They transfer me to their nurse call line, she and I chat for a bit so she can get an idea of what is going on.  She indicates that according to her screen I should qualify for a case manager.  She has me listed as having Insurance Company ITC & BH Cond Mgt.  She calls Insurance Company back to see about getting me into these programs.  Insurance Company says they don’t see that on their end.  They hang up and she asks me to check with my HR person to verify if we have access to ITC as it would be very helpful for me.

10.   Tuesday: I call insurance company asking more questions about scan approvals. They conference in eviCompanyX who can’t tell me anything because I am only the patient.  They only speak with medical professionals.

11.   I ask to speak with the supervisor.

12.   After another transfer I am told that they only got the request for approval Monday.  I know for a fact this is not accurate as my Nurse has informed me that they have requested approval 2-3 times by now.  They say it may be approved and I should check back with the imaging center in the morning.

13.   Wednesday: I call Radiology, they have not received approval.

14.   I call my Clinical Trial Nurse and she starts making phone calls.

15.   I get a call at noon from my clinical trial nurse who called someone in radiology who says they finally have approval. 

16.   I leave work at 2:30 to head to MCV for my scans.

17.   I leave my car with the parking guru’s and head down to imaging only to find out they still don’t have approval.

18.   I call the insurance company and start asking questions again.

19.   While I am on the phone I text my Clinical Nurse about the approval.  So she calls Radiology asking questions.  It turns out that someone up in the radiology office was reading from the wrong date on my chart.

20.   Meanwhile I am still on hold with Insurance Company.  They are trying to call my Nurse to get information from her.

21.   My nurse has her assistant call me to let me know she is on hold with the insurance company waiting to get through, she doesn’t want me to think she has forgotten about me.

22.   I let the insurance company know she is on hold with her people waiting to get through.  I end up being the go between until they finally get connected. 

23.   The insurance company person finally gets both of us on the line then attempts to conference in someone from eviCompanyX.  That takes about 17 minutes, (they have the worst Muzak btw.)

24.   We speak with someone with eviCompanyX who has to transfer us to a medical review secretary.  We give my patient information and find that the neck scan is the hold up.  Again, they say they only received the request a few days before but that they need more information before they can approve the final scan. 

25.   I chime in to let them know they have been the hold up with my scans on many occasions.  It is always the same one or two scans they refuse to approve.  I mention that my Dr. administers all of the clinical trials in a major teaching hospital that handles thousands of patients.  I then mention that this happens about 95% of the time.  Most clinical trials require regular scans. 

26.   My nurse mentions that this is correct.  Dr. Awesome ends up going toe to toe over and over on scans that occur regularly.  At this point the problem is equivalent to a corporate cancer of wasted time, effort ,and money for everyone.  

27.   Today I had to reschedule my scans for July 31^st as that was the next opening they had in their schedule.  This also required me to reschedule my appointment with my oncologist, I don’t have that appointment date yet. 

So, I have spent approximately 8 hours on the phone with the insurance company over the last week.  I left work early to make my appointment, had to pay $5 for parking to find out I can’t have my scans unless I sign a wavier which the insurance company could use to make me pay for the whole thing. 

Don’t shake your head.  This happened in 2012 when I need a PET scan to determine how far the cancer had spread prior to surgery.  I’ve been fighting this crap for almost 5 years by now.  That PET scan cost me $10k because the insurance company refused to approve it after the fact.  My surgical oncologist was livid.  He ended up doing 3 Peer-to-Peer’s trying to get it approved.  I could go on, but who has the damn time?  I do have that cluster fuck written down for posterity.  I actually blogged about it during my treatment.  If you are interested go here for my blog post on that cluster from hell: https://blkliesen.blogspot.com/2013/02/  (Trivia:  my oncologist uses my blog to educate patients on the immunotherapy for melanoma.  Yeah, if it happened it went in the blog.  I'm educational and shit.)

Now, I am out the 8 hours pay spent on the phone, 2 hours at MCV, $5 for parking, and I still don’t have approval for said scans.  I have also spent about half an hour on the phone today trying to get rescheduled.  Since they couldn’t get me in until the 31^st, now I worry that the approvals I do finally have will be void and we will have to start the process over again.

My patience has gone the way of the dinosaur.  Insurance companies are making record profits because they couldn’t give a rats colon about the people who buy in to their policies.  They refuse to be strait with Doctors, Nurses and patients because they think we enjoy drinking barium which bloats the hell out of you, getting poked with needles to insert an IV to ride a machine to see if the cancer is back.  Then I get to spend the rest of the day in the toilet because nothing messes up my gastric system like the chemicals used in CT scans.  This is not like Disney land!  There is nothing that is actually fun about CT scans.  Now, I know I make it sound like fun, but really, it isn’t.

I am now waiting to see what comes of this.  Wish me luck!

Update:

After a long conversation and requests to speak with a supervisor, I finally got through.  I am not terribly confident that anything will come of it, and will have to check back but at least something is on record and they promised to push it up the chain.  Here's hoping I can get some relief for my medical team.  Heard from my Dr. today that he was on the phone for more than one peer-to-peer today.  Insurance companies exhaust him.

Anticipation

I haven't been around much I know but life has a way of well, getting in the way.

Thus far this spring/summer I've been gardening like a crazy woman.  I've been landscaping the slope along the fence between the garage and the alley.  This spot has been a great killer of lawn mowers in the past.  Digging it up and landscaping it then mulching has been my job every spare moment away from the office. 

I am calling it my 'Mom" garden.  My mother is my gardening inspiration for that slope.  Mom always loved flowers and as she isn't able to garden anymore I've taken up the task at my house to remind me of her every time I look at the flowers.  I still have a tiny bit left to plant then mulch.  I have daisies, yarrow, philox, roses, lavender, daylilies, and thyme planted there so far.  I did manage to put in some lantana last weekend when it wasn't too hot.  Hopefully I'll find time to finish it up soon. 

I picked up this amazing ceramic planter and filled it with hibiscus and a lovely variegated vine.

Day lily Bela Legosi

 

My first boquet from the garden.

New rose bush, one of 5 I have added to this slope.

My little day lily patch.  I have more to put in but it will probably be a few years before it fills in.  

I really should buy stock in sunscreen since I practically bathe in it before I go anywhere.  I have also planted peppers, tomato's, cucumbers and zucchini in the back yard.  I have even had my first tomato from the garden.  It was incredibly delicious.  I have some peppers that should be ready soon as well.  I can't wait to harvest the squash and cucumbers too.  Yum!

My biannual scans are coming up next week.  I tried to send my insurance information to my DR. & Nurse but haven't heard back from them yet.  I wonder if I should call the radiology department to see if they have the correct information instead?  Oh well, I am sure someone will let me know eventually.

I would hate to get there only to be told that the insurance hadn't approved anything.  This has been a problem on occasion and it isn't pleasant.  I've had to go back the next week for 1 scan which means drinking 2 bottles of the vile stuff.  Then my stomach is all messed up for another week.  


Beyond that I have been working an insane number of hours as I have 4 deadlines in 5 days.  Yes, you read that right.  One is an addendum so that isn't too bad.  I am really hoping to have some time to go see Mom & Dad soon.  I just need to earn enough vacation days and save up the money to go.  I miss Mom & Dad so very much.  They are in New Mexico near Brian now which is grand.  It'll be nice to see everyone.  I can fix dinner for Brian, DJ and the kids.  Maybe I can even get some things prepared and frozen for them.  I know both Brian and DJ are super busy so it would be nice to have some freezer meals ready for them to toss in the oven or in a crock pot, easy peasy.

Next!

I really should get on here more often, I don't have anything to say today about cancer other than I'm getting ready to shave my head again with St. Baldrick's.  March 25th is our  great green shearing day.  I can't wait!  I love being able to do something that makes a difference.  Since I have joined the skin head ranks, new treatments have been developed with the money raised.  When I started, there was no treatment for Neuroblastoma.  Now there is a treatment.  It is important to do something to help these kids.  

Resurecting an old post from the first year I joined St. Baldrick's:

"A very cheerful update today.  I got to go to the Church Hill Irish Festival with friends today.  My best friend, Mary, & I decided to join in the shaving fun.  We managed to raise almost $300 in about an hour, not bad for a last minute entry.  Then we let them shave our heads.  I have to say, it felt wonderful.  I think I'd like to start earlier next year and see if we can't raise some real money for St. Baldrick's Foundation. 

I even got to talk about my cancer & treatment a little. 

My best friend & I before, during, and after our shearing.  Photo courtesy of my friend Molly Blanton.

We had a wonderful time and I really want to do it again next year.  I think we look amazing!  We were cheered on by the crowd and even got a few hugs from complete strangers. 

This was the best Saturday I've had in 3 months!  The nausea was still present but managable.  I was sore, but didn't let that slow me down - too much.  It was so nice to get out of the house and have some fun on a beautiful day. 

Bonus: I won't have to worry about greasy hair, or buying shampoo, & it dries instantly.  Maybe I'll keep this style for a little longer than I had initially planned.

After a long and wonderful day, I'm off to bed.  May you dream of rainbows & unicorns!

Nameste!"

What a fun memory!  Now if only i were as small as I was in those photos.  What can I say, I am a work in progress.  If you would like to donate, please click on the link below.
https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/889834/2017


On the employment front, I am looking for a change.  

I have my resume out and have 2 offers coming, I am told.  I spoke with another local company, but am not sure I am qualified enough for them.  They do hospitals and I know a lot more about lighting than I do power.    

I saw some former co-workers today who asked me to come back to the fold.  I just submitted my application there.  We shall see.  Now I just have to be patient and wait to see what the future brings.

Love and hugs for everyone!

4 Years Cancer Free and counting!

As of Monday October 24th, I am 4 years cancer free. 

Wow!

How amazing is that?

I spent half of this week in Philadelphia, PA and a Society of Women Engineers Conference.  What an empowering week it has been. 

I got to meet another Integral Group engineer from our Vancouver office.  What an amazing young woman!  Meeting people like her makes me feel so much better about our future.  She is incredibly intelligent and inspiring.  I hope to live up to her example some day. 

We attended some incredible talks and walked the job fair floor speaking with the young people we met.  It was a truly uplifting experience.  I am definitely going to recommend we recruit from SWE next year. 

I stayed pretty low key until last night when I finally went out to dinner.  I had 4 amazing young women with me.  We talked about engineering and how much adventure they had ahead of them.  We spoke about their respective engineering majors and what the wanted to do after college.  I told them what I do and what my company is about.  It was a fabulous evening.  I gave them my card and asked them to feel free to contact me with questions about anything. 

So back to the topic of being Cancer Free!

I almost can't believe it has been 4 years.  I remember at the end of September in 2012 I was competing on my office Innsbrook Corporate Games team and found a lump in my upper right arm very near the original site of my mole that proved to be Melanoma 2.5 years prior.  I made a panicky call to my surgical oncologist's office for an appointment but they couldn't get me in right away.  I cried on his secretary's shoulder until she got me in the day he got back from vacation.  He took one look at my arm, felt the lump and said, "don't leave until the pathology folks come down to get a sample,"  then he left.  Just 2 hours later I got the call from Dr. Neifeld confirming my worst fear.  I remember calling Mom and Dad to tell them.  Mom got off of the phone and looked up flights and was in Richmond within 2 days.  We went round and round with the insurance company.  Dr. Neifeld argued with them multiple times.  I cried and Mom finally said to get the damn scan, the best one for my kind of cancer and we would deal with the cost later.  Mom and I had a great month and a half together before my surgery.  God I loved having her with me.  I picked her up at the airport with Abby, my Great Dane, in tow.  We drove north to Maryland to see some friends of mine.  That was one of the best weekends we could have asked for.  Mom got to meet some new friends and we had an amazing time.  Mom got to eat the first baguette in years that weekend.  My friend Laura is also gluten intolerant and had gone to a gluten free bakery in Alexandria where they have mastered really good bread.  Mom was in heaven!  (Laura - My mother always loved you for that leftover baguette.  She stretched it out for 3 more meals.) 

For those who don't know my Mom, she is my very favorite person in the world.  I miss her terribly.  I can't wait to see her and Dad in a few weeks.  Sadly Mom may not know me when I get there.  you see she has Alzheimer's with Lewey Body Dementia.  A most insidious disease combination.  Alzheimer's is bad enough, but toss in the other and it takes the mind so quickly.  Just 4 years ago Mom was great.  She worried about memory loss but she wasn't diagnosed yet and was fully functional.  She hasn't been in a home for more than 2 years and her mind and body are failing at an alarming rate. 

So, back to having my mom with me for more than a month.  She got me through surgery like a champion.  She made me chicken soup after the surgery.  I love my mother's soup.  We cooked and laughed together.  We took day trips and had an amazing time.  I miss her so much.  I hated to see her go back home but I know she missed Dad and he missed her too.  Another thing I really love is that they have always had such a strong relationship.  Dad didn't like to travel like mom did.  He had no problem letting her travel when she wanted to.  His trust in her was complete, as was hers for him.  I wish I could find something like what they have.  Their Love is beautiful to behold.

So, back to being cancer free.  I know I am all over the place here, but you'll just have to forgive me for it. 

January after my surgery I joined a study at the Medical College of Virginia.  Mom was against it as it was more than a year long and she wanted me to live a full life and just move on from the cancer.  Unfortunately I couldn't move on without doing something preventative.  This was round two for me and once you have round two, you really want to do something to make sure it doesn't come back.  Also the tumor was in a lymph node so the chance of yet another reoccurrence was quite high.  I was terrified of doing nothing.  After all I had done nothing for 2.5 years, look what that got me?

I met Dr. Poklepovic his nurse, Maria Quigley around the first of January of 2013.  just a few tests later and I was accepted into the study.  I was randomized into the into the high dose of interferon

I went into my first treatment January 14th, 2013.  If you look back to my first posts in this blog, you can see how things went.  Treatment was an adventure to say the least.  I also firmly believe it was the best thing I could have done for myself. 

While immunotherapy wasn't a picnic, I made it through and I am so glad I did it.  I met some amazing people along the way.  I learned a lot about my limits and I feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life.  I am still working to get my endurance back up to where it was before treatment though.  There is always room to improve.

this time next year I will be having a party to celebrate being cured.  I'll be able to donate blood for the first time since 2009.  I plan on making an appointment to donate October 24th next year.  I can't wait!

Love and hugs for everyone!
Brenda